I love this picture. I want to be that cat that looks in the mirror and sees a gorgeous lion.
But lately, when I look in the mirror or reflect on my life I see a sickly scared kitten who is having a hard time dealing with life when things get uncomfortable.
I have so many good friends and family who carry themselves with confidence to learn from. Both my best friend and my husband are two of the most confident people I know. I tend to carry myself very confidently even though I see and feel so many imperfections and have many WIP issues that take a lot of my energy. But somewhere, somehow, something is not translating properly and it's inhibiting my desires to live out my dreams and true soul's desire. So I am writing this to myself and hopefully it can help you make building confidence a priority in order to find happiness and success. The crazy thing is that I am awesome at offering advice to people and clients, but I am shitty at listening and implementing my own advice for myself. It takes another person or thing to point out what I already knew about myself to really rattle me into start making some changes. In this exercise, I am turning the tables on myself and writing out what I need to build effing confidence and rule the world on my terms.
1. Sell the dream of what you can offer during an interview and do it with gusto and much thought put into it.
My friend, John, always says he's living the dream and always has to remind me to to sell the dream. Sell it to my customers, walk and talk it in everyday life. In my personal life I dream BIG. Like REALLY REALLY impossibly big. So big that I've had to burst my own dream bubbles and come back to reality. My idea of dreams needs to evolve and be applicable to different parts of my life in order to sell dreams and ideas. So how do I do that? By taking one day at a time. Figure out what you can accomplish today and make it happen. I'm not a gardener but dreams needs to be thought of as planting seeds and the process of cultivating it so it could grow into something amazing. So in that next interview plant "idea seeds" and make people envision you kicking ass at your role because you know you could totally do it. Practice this with everyday life situations. The more practice, the easier it will transfer to all parts of your life.
2. Grow a backbone. Or if you have one, take time to make it stronger.
One of the things I have been struggling my WHOLE life in the business world is people telling me I'm too soft at times. I have a backbone, but it doesn't show up all the time. People who value toughness sees this as weakness. Tough people eat weak folks for breakfast. The owner of the company that I worked for told me this A LOT of times when I first started working there, and I slowly got better, but it was not perfect. In all honesty, my backbone comes out when I really know my shit and I'm vibing with someone who's personality puts me at ease. If I don't feel comfortable dealing with them, all of a sudden my backbone goes into hiding and I metaphorically curl up into a fetal position and put up the white flag and say sorry or do that stupid nervous laugh that does nothing but annoys everyone including myself. How am I going to make sure my backbone is anchored on me at all times? By mentally and physically preparing myself to deal with people from all walks of life. By slowing down when I speak, and stick to topics and stories that I am 100% sure of. Maybe I could imagine the person naked? LOL, no. But I have to stop relinquishing power so quickly and stick with what I know is true to the situation at hand. Also know that you may not win the battle every time, but if you can put people at ease by speaking to what is amazing about you the backbone will stick around and be your best ally.
3. Know what you are good at and think of all the times you completely rocked the shit out of something. Document those times in terms of how you felt at the time and how you feel about it now.
A lot of the reasons why restaurants don't like yelp is because very few people will document the good experience they had vs. the not so pleasant experience. That's why I have no issue with eating at places that are 3 1/2 stars or higher. Generally the food and service has always been pretty amazing at this sweet spot rating score. How many positive personal reviews of my life do I have? Uhhhh....shit. Does Instagram and Facebook count? What I will do is document in detail some good stuff that I've done at my job so I can read back and review those, and recall my experiences better during interviews. The better I do that, the better I will sound to the person interviewing me.
4. Spend time doing positive affirmations and meditation
5. Practice Fear Busting
Damn, I talk about fear all the freaking time. But it really is one of the things that has crippled me from being the absolute all that I want to be. I know where it stems from and how it manifests and leaches into so many parts of my life. To fight back, I have to face it head on and do things that I am scared of. Maybe something like riding my bike in Portland is a good place to start. Why am I even terrified of riding around in one of the most bike-friendly cities in the country? Did you know Portland puts white painted bikes to mark all the places bikers have died around the city? I live close to one of these and it haunts me and makes me scared of biking. That, and I really don't like how uncomfortable my butt feels when riding on gradual hills. There are other excuses I can list off but you get the idea. To bust up fears I need to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself physically and mentally in all parts of my life. Maybe do a terrifyingly difficult hike. Maybe drive to a part of town I am not familiar with and try to figure out my way home without my GPS. Gasp, maybe leave the Portland bubble and actually get out to the suburbs. Well, let's not go too crazy here. I do not like suburbia. AT ALL. The more fears I bust, the better the confidence will be. I know it to be true. So let's make it happen.
