The Priya Parker Project - Step 1: The Obituary

This morning I woke up excited to write my obituary. That sounds weird doesn't it? I googled how to write a proper one, and of course, looked up Steve Jobs's obituary for some inspiration. At one point in his life he had to make a drastic decisions to live his dreams. He did that by quitting college and going straight into the tech field and the rest is history. Hopefully, I am brave enough to make drastic decisions that sets me on the path towards my dreams. 

Although Priya Parker says to write only 600 words on paper, I want to just free flow and see where the ball lands. Hope that's ok with you. So this is not a proper obituary.  It's me afterall. And I am far from proper. Enjoy!


Esther Anh Dao Siuha Rmah LaVielle, a citizen of the world, has died at the age of 99 in Lyon, France on **/**/**** (I don't want to do the math right now). The cause of death was from old age and she passed peacefully in her sleep next to her husband of 70 years.

Esther was born in Seattle, Washington to Blot and Duang Rmah and lived most of her childhood in Mountlake Terrace, WA. Growing up she enjoyed car camping trips with her little sister, Christine, and her parents. Her dad would drive the family all over Washington, Oregon, and parts of Canada. Her particularly favorite memory was when they missed the black ball ferry from Victoria BC to Port Angeles, WA, and had to sleep in a random camp site in their van while eating sardines and hot cheese. Esther had dreams of becoming a financial planner and started her college career at Shoreline Community College, then transferred to Western Washington University into the finance program. Once she got there, she became bored of finance and discovered she really enjoyed management and marketing classes. The creative and fun aspect spoke to her, so she switched majors and graduated with a Marketing degree in 2003. In 2005, on her 25th birthday, she met her husband, Ian, at her birthday party through a mutual friend. They did not hit it off until 6 month later when she moved to Seattle. Three and a half years later, they would get married at a beautiful garden in Camas, WA, surrounded by the best of friends and family. 

One of the major events and activities that heavily influenced her life was music. Her parents pushed her into playing piano, and from there she started sing, playing the flute, trombone, drums, trumpet, and saxophone. When she was in her 20s she met a good friend, Ivan, and they formed Ductape Productions, and began making and selling beats, and producing music for several aspiring artists in the Northwest. They even did shows around Seattle and had a small following on social media pre-Facebook era. Although the dreams to take it to the next level were there, real life and bills had to get paid. So both members abandoned the dream and reality set in.

One of the biggest and proudest moments in Esther's life was when she paid off all of her school and car loans within 9 years of graduation. There were points where she had to take a few second jobs just to afford paying all the bills and living on her own. There were many times she can physically see that her bank account was down to the very last $5 dollars with 3 more days until pay day. Eventually she found herself working evenings at a marketing research firm part time, and instantly things began to click. From there, they offered her a full time position, and Esther started her project management career. Not really knowing why, but surveys, data analysis, and sharing results, coming up with conclusions, and making decisions based on analytics became a strange yet lucrative passion. This stuff was fun to her!  Eventually, with the support of her loving husband, she left the research firm and found herself at a market research software  firm where her experience made a huge difference to the existing platform. Her new position allowed her to become 100% debt free by 31 years old and also save up plenty of money for retirement and trips to France, Croatia, Colombia, and more.

At the age of 33, after  getting struck by lightening and having emergency surgery, she realized that the stress was wrecking her body and soul. It took all of 2014, but she managed to leave her cushy job, and dove into exploring what made her heart sing. Taking all the messages,and going through the Priya Parker Project helped her see that she will always be a kid at heart desiring to have fun in any situation. Whether it's making good money or personal time, it's ok act a fool and just live and be your true self. They say that time flies when you are having fun, and Esther lived passionately to have fun as much as possible and be exactly what people see in her: A Genuine and honest person who thinks that getting ahead in life by being fair, respectful, and with your dignity in tact is the best way to live. To see  and experience the world from as many angles as possible. To revel in sharing memories with loved ones. Whether it was with herself, with her close knit family and friends, or even laughing with perfect strangers, her smile and outlook on life remained that way until the day she passed on. 

Esther is survived by her husband, Ian, and their two kids, Stargazer and Lily, and grand children Sage, Willow, River, and Axel, her sister Paster Christine Rmah Ricardo, brother and sister in law, Todd and Alex, as well as her closest friends from around the world, as well as as their beloved dog, Cooper the 5th. 

The service will be held the Bremerton ferry where her ashes will be laid to rest in the Puget Sound in Seattle, WA. After that she demands that everyone eats, drinks, and listens to all of her favorite hip hop tunes and other music at an ear ringing decibel. 

All memorial donations should go to the grandkids of Esther, or you can also donate to the Arbor association and plant trees in honor of the LaVielles.

If anyone wants to go on this journey with me you are more than welcome!, I wish you all the best this universe has to offer.

Check out the video in the link below.

PRIYA PARKER: Quit Your Life & Reboot

The Priya Parker Project: The Back Story

It's been a month since I quit my job. A job that I had passionately loved.  A job with incredible coworkers. I was good at my job and it made me good money that I got to travel around the world with and pay off $60k in car and school loans. A job that gave me a lot of flexibility to work from home in Portland. 

But something was missing. Be it some growing pains, office politics, or the fact that I was not in the office regularly - which makes you the last person to know about anything, somehow the need for me to have fun at my job began to allude me. I can pinpoint exactly that time I started to lose that fun feeling. August 7th, 2013. Three weeks after getting struck by lightening on a rooftop deck in Seattle, and a week after recovering from emergency surgery. I remember myself getting admitted for an inpatient hospital stay, and the first thing I told my husband was, "Call my bosses and tell them I will be missing work." I was in so much pain and yet all I could think about was all of the work piling up the following week. When I finally opened up my laptop, after a week of recovery, I wondered why I even stressed out so much? What am I doing to myself? How did I let all this stress almost kill me? Is this really how I want to live? Shit still went on without me. My coworkers picked up my workload. My accounts got handled. Life went on and continues to goes on.

By January 2014, I started feeling like a person going through the motions. My husband and I were trying to have a baby, and that stress along with work stunted any joy I had inside of me. I started going to therapy to talk about it, and he made me realize that I didn't take long deep breathes when I spoke about my job and that I need to start changing the way I thought about things. And he was right. Little did I know that it would take me the entire 2014 to really start changing my thoughts and my attitude towards what I want from life. Along the way I met with a career coach, Aubrie, who helped me understand why I needed to feel like I am having fun and and encouraged me to explore more with what brings me true joy. When I was in Medellin Colombia in the fall, I met Jade, who was from Seattle (small world right?),  and she taught me about about the power of affirmations and living life as though you already have everything you need because the universe will provide. Even then, I still felt like I was standing on the diving board looking down at the water knowing that I needed to jump. That I have to jump. That there were no other options. But I didn't really know when to do it or if I was ready to dive into the water.

After coming back to Colombia, some things at the job unfolded, and somehow I am now blessed with this time off. I had been working 11 years straight with no real break, and now I can actually sleep in and relax without any deadlines and upset accounts calling or emailing all hours of the day. I'm not going to lie. Going from 45-55+hr day/night work weeks to zero responsibilities is shocking. Although I am using this time to learn new things, I still feel bored at times. There were no schedules or deadlines to meet. Five years at the same job going 100mph nonstop to nothing requires a lot of detox.

Early January I went on a vision quest with my best friend. She, herself, had recently made huge life decisions and moved to LA to give her daughter a real shot at becoming a child actress. So it was her brave energy that I needed to be next to after taking the plunge into unemployment. I recall being in Joshua Tree National Park and the rocks whispering things to me I was not ready to hear but needed to listen to. The next day we did a cleansing ceremony, and more messages came to me. Again, I was not ready to accept it. When I got home, I spoke to my friends and family and they all said the same thing.

"Who cares, Esther? Just do it!" 

And I wanted to do it. But the fear. The fear was holding me back. Correction: IS holding me back.

After a box wine and karaoke night, a friend sent me Priya Parker's Youtube on quitting and rebooting your life. Call it divine intervention, but it is exactly what I need to do right at this moment in order for me to take the messages I have been receiving and put it into good use.

There are 7 steps to rebooting I will be documenting on my blog  for the next few weeks.

STEP 1 (Mental & Emotional level)- Take the obituary test and make sure you pass: Write down your Obituary on paper. Answering basic questions like; how do you I want to live my life? etc.

STEP 2 (Mental & Emotional level) – Passion comic strip: What passion do you have? Interview 5-10 close people ask them When they have seen you happy? Draw on paper cartoon series about your passion and thing you wish to do or did till now.

STEP 3 (Physical & Emotional)- Get comfortable with this concept: Build your muscles for discomfort i.e. get habituated with awkward and humiliating situations in life! Just for the experiment she has suggested following 3 crazy ways -

(a)      Start singing in public places when in queue or standing. Notice your emotions inside  the body (heart),and feelings while doing this.

(b)      Go outside for dinner alone (habit of staying alone), without reading  material, mobile or anything to entertain

(c)      Stand-up facing back towards door in a lift (different from others)

STEP 4 (Mental & Emotion)- Life Sentence: Give yourself a life sentence, like many organization and companies generally have their mission and vision statements. Ask questions like, What do I value? What is purpose of my life?,etc see below:

A. What are the qualities and values that I bring with me (regardless of family or at work)?

B. What is that I actually Do?

C. Why I do all this? It is most difficult but important task. It helps in analysing your life and help you to make future decision-making about life

STEP 5 (Finance)-  Dwindling-Cash Experiment:  To check how much money is enough money for you to live a normal life. In this experiments you first note down how much money you spend on yourself per month (not how much you earn) . Take that amount from bank and put it in an envelope. Then divide it into 4 parts (40%, 30%, 20% and 10% of total).  Then expose yourself to 4 different money parts one in each week. Start with 40% money for first week, then 30% in next week, etc. Note down what you did in each week and how did you manage e.g.  live with this much money for one week each to know how much money is sufficient for you/your habits/constraints/spending pattern, mind-set, etc. Find out what amount you are comfortable with and live on. Build a financial model and see how much you need to “reboot” your life.

STEP 6 (Mental) – Help Somebody else: Identify 5 different friends/person who are doing different and interesting jobs. Ask them whether you can spend 1 hour with them to solve any of their difficult problem in their business. It will build habit , how can I help others and  realize which problems you can/can’t solve ( your strength weakness analysis).

STEP 7 (Mental & Emotional) – Social accountability & PR:  Invite your 7 ‘close’ friends and tell them about your plan of quitting current job and rebooting life. Note their Suggestions and reactions. This will help you to know about your Social accountability and PR groups practice.

If anyone wants to go on this journey with me you are more than welcome! I was going to start right off with the obit, but realized I wanted to document the back story for my own reading in order to see the progress being made. That's the project manager in me doing it.  LOL! For anyone going through a similar journey, I wish you all the best this universe has to offer.

Check out the video in the link below.

PRIYA PARKER: Quit Your Life & Reboot

Cooper's Journey: Living With A Dog With Separation Anxiety

I wrote the first half in 2013, and there is an 2015 update in the second half of the blog. Enjoy!

MAY 2013: It's been a while since I've written a blog. Things have been going well this year although I'm overwhelmed by the fact that it's already May! Nearly half way through 2013!!!!!

In late January my husband and I decided to adopt a shelter dog from a rescue facility in Aloha, OR. We had no real intention to get a dog that fateful day in January, and had only wanted to walk some dogs in Petco for fun while on our way to Home Depot. Before we were set to leave, I saw a dog out of the corner of my eye pressing on the pen and pleading with his eyes to take him home. It was one of the dogs we had walked and he had done well walking on a leash. The look on his face melted my heart and I looked at my husband and he then asked the rescue worker about how to adopt him.

We changed the dog's name from Vilmer to Cooper, and immediately fell in love with his energetic personality and his desire to cuddle and learn new tricks for food. I mean, look at his eyes? How could you not fall in love?

Having adopted a shelter dog with lots of baggage in the past, I was very worried that this would be another "Bandito" situation (which you can read more about in an old blog post). A lot of shelter dogs come with issues that may have placed them in shelters in the first place. Even when you want to do the right thing and give them a good home, for many of them the damage is already too much. There is very little you can do except accomodate their needs and proactively manage the issues they cannot change from.

So what was Cooper's baggage? Well, we learned very quickly that Cooper suffers from severe separation anxiety. We are talking very high-end so stressed out that he shits, pees, and injures himself trying to escape from his crate or literally chewing the front door down. Thank goodness he's only 13 pounds! Even if it was for a quick step outside to grab the mail, Cooper had to be right by the door to make sure you came back to get him. Luckily for him I work from home so the time he stays home by himself is very limited. However, even in that limited time he manages to find a way to bleed himself from digging and has even escaped the crate a few times and ended up doing damage in the house.

During that time both my husband and I did lots and lots of reading about training dogs with separation anxiety. We watched tons of videos from the library, Amazon, and Youtube, and listened to many of our friends and families with pets and their suggestions. We used the thunder shirt, kong, pheromones,  natural herbs, and did everything we could make his time alone tolerable and comfortable.  We stagger train him to be on his own to this day. Unfortunately, nothing worked for the longest time. It's very hard to see our dog injure himself and bleed while having to clean up his poop and pee every time we left. We even recorded him to see what he did when we were gone and it was difficult to watch how bad his anxiety got. I wondered, "Why does he think we are going to abandon him when we love him so much?"

Finally, one day I brought it up to my vet and she recommended putting Cooper on Fluoxetine, or Prozac. At first I balked at the idea because I'm 100% against pharmaceuticals in general.  With the exception of aspirin and ibuprofen and some antibiotics, I generally believe in using natural herbs to help treat and cure ailments. My husband is even more against pills than I am. So I refused and wanted to keep trying to use behavior modification to help him with coping with when we leave.

Another month went by and we did not see any improvements. In fact, it was getting worse. Cooper's separation anxiety started manifesting in other ways. In one such occasion when he was left with our friends or family in a separate room from us, even though he can see us from his crate it was too much for him to bare. He howled until his anal glands stank. That's no fun to clean.

So I went and asked the vet for a prescription. My husband was not happy I got it so I told him that we would use it only when he's ready to give it a try. After a particularly bad crate day where Cooper dug in his crate until his paws were skinned red and bled all over the crate, he finally agreed it was time to try something to help in conjunction with our modification training.

I know what a lot of people are thinking and I struggled with this myself and that's "Why do you need to drug up your dog? That's abuse and maybe you are not fit to be an owner." There was very little information  online to on pet owners who did use the drug because nobody wants to be ridiculed for being a bad dog owner. Nobody wants to be told they are poisoning their dog and doing more harm than good. However, the little information that was out there was very helpful and gave me a good idea of what to expect.

Fluoxetine takes about 3-4 months to really see the full effects on an animal and even then it helps the dog from rising into extreme anxiety, but they still are confused and need to learn ways to deal with when you are gone.  Behavior modification training and desensitization training to anxiety triggers are key at this point. Cooper's triggers included anytime he saw me put makeup on, when we jangled keys, when we locked the door, etc. It was hard but we had to teach him that these noises do not mean we will be leaving him. Eventually he stopped howling the entire time we were gone and started relaxing a bit. After 10 months he was noticeably more sleepy on the medication and enjoyed going to bed early. After a few more months, he did a lot better. That, combined with a lot of modification training, really started to pay off. I couldn't believe it. But at the same time I couldn't wait to ask my vet to help with weening down his dosage and taking him off the pills completely.

Let's fast forward a year and a half from the first part of the post.

Jan 2015: It's been 2 years since he's adopted Cooper, and he's no longer on doggy prozac. We slowly weened down his dosage over the past year and his personality has blossomed! He's such a momma's boy! We have no clue what his true age is, but he still loves learning new tricks. Does he still suffer from separation anxiety? Yes. Are there good days and bad days? Yes, but mostly good with a few bad days sprinkled in once or twice a month. 

So what happened? We continued with our stagger training, and also made sure to socialize him and help him understand that the house is his safe place. We also make sure to give him the best treats that make the act of leaving less painful for him. Even though I work from home, I put his bed in a separate room and he enjoys his naps on his own. The snoring is a good indication he's very happy. We also do not leave him in a crate which gives him the freedom to roam around and pick whether he wants to sleep in our bedroom or on the living room couch. Most days he's not right at the door when we come home, and he is trotting out from the bedroom to greet us after a nice long nap. That makes me really happy.

The only thing is that he's still fixated on the front door. So when he's having a bad episode we can guarentee he's going to scratch the front door when we are away.  My husband put plexy glass on the door to stop the damage and it worked for a while, but now he's attacking the molding on the side of the door. It's hard to know when he will have an episode, so we are working to figure out what to do next. The good thing is that he's not hurting himself or getting splinters from the wood, but I do worry about the paint he may be ingesting. The main goal here would be for us to get Cooper from being fixated with the door.

So when it comes to our dog's separation anxiety, I can definitely say he has improved a lot. Like any humans with anxiety, there are many ways to deal with it and it takes time. A lot of time. Sometimes medication is the answer, other times it isn't. Sometimes it requires a mix of meds and behavior training. For Cooper, he needed a combination of both. If things got worse would I put Cooper back on prozac? I would have to carefully monitor and speak to my vet and behavioralist before making that choice. Although I am very anti-meds, it's not something I would completely rule out. What you do with your fur family members is entirely up to you. I just wanted to share this story with others so readers can see what my family's journey was like, and what we are working on today.

What are some good things that came from this journey? Can I say this has enriched my life? That is showed me what kind of man I am married to? (All good things, btw). Through it all, I absolutely love Cooper and am happy he chose us to be his dog parents. And no matter what pops up, I know we have a strong loving family and tons of patience to help Cooper be the happiest dog he can be.