Step 4 of the Priya Parker Project is a daunting and challenging one for me. I have been deeply asking myself this question ever since I left my job back in December 2014, and I haven't come up with a clear answer yet. Part of the reason is because I am a person of many interests. I am lucky that I believe I can do whatever I want and be fairly good at it if I tried my best, but the flip side means that I tend to stretch myself thin with my interests and don't grow my skills and knowledge beyond the basics and what feels natural and easy to me. I am going to try my best to write down what I have learned about myself over the past six months based on the three questions presented by Priya.
STEP 4 (Mental & Emotion)- Life Sentence: Give yourself a life sentence, like many organization and companies generally have their mission and vision statements. Ask questions like, What do I value? What is the purpose of my life?,etc see below:
- A. What are the qualities and values that I bring with me (regardless of family or at work)?
1. The qualities I bring with me no matter where I go in life is that I truly value being open minded to what the world and different cultures have to offer regardless if it is different from what I've experienced over the years. This includes my experience at work. I respect it and see it as a learning opportunity. At the end of the day, we need to coexist for a common purpose to succeed.
2. I highly value people who make plans and keep their promises and follow through with plans. Nothing irritates me more than people who are super flaky and says they will do something, but then back out at the last minute. I don't believe that being tired is a good enough reason to ditch your plans. You should still show up, but it's ok to leave early. That's why I value some of my relationships over others because of this quality alone. I believe in "doing what you say, and saying what you do." I pridefully hold myself to this each and everyday of my life and I can honestly say I have never once flaked on a person at the last minute. Not now, not ever.
3. I believe we should live life to have fun! I am an eternal child at heart always looking for a way to enjoy life. Whether it is an incredibly delicious meal with wine, a meaningful conversation, a good concert, or simply cuddling in bed in my dog, Cooper. Those things are fun to me. Fun doesn't have to loud and rowdy. It comes in all shapes and forms. I try to have some kind of fun everyday. Even weird stuff like derma rolling my face with 2.5mm needles and making my own vitamin c serum is fun in my book.
4. Having a balanced work/personal life is very important to me. I can't be all one or the other. It drives me insane and starts to manifest physically into illnesses and goodness knows what else. I dream of having it all and it really upsets me when people say you can't have it because that's not how the world works. Maybe not in your world, but in mine it's something I deeply desire. I love working. I love working very hard and dreaming up crazy out-of-the-box ideas and plotting ways to execute these ideas. I love seeing my ideas become successful and well received! I also worry when I see people over-working. I know I can't possibly understand fully what motivates them to do all work with little time for personal growth and family, but I strongly believe they would regret not balancing priorities should something major happen. Nobody will remember the number of hours you worked. They just will will remember you as a hard working person, but the details will be vague. The things that define you are what you do with your free time, therefore, I believe it's important to have the right balance. Easier said than done, but, it's not a bad thing to strive for if it means a better well-being for yourself and your loved ones.
5. I value being your most authentic self. Now I know there are times where you must hold back some of who you are out of respect for others, but I believe it's important to be true to your words and true to yourself. One of things I really cannot stand is office politics. I witnessed a good friend and former colleague play into it, and I can honestly say the friendship has not been the same. Why? Because I don't believe the true self is always being shown to me and I sense it. I don't like games at work. I don't play games. What you see is what you get. I work hard and I'm honest. I'm smart and reliable and do what I say. That's it. No mind games. End of story.
- B. What is that I actually Do?
This question is the scariest question. Honestly, I don't know at the moment. I do whatever I think needs to be done at a certain moment. After going from working 50 hours a week to nothing it's hard to define what you do without a job. My brother-in-law likes to make jokes that I am sitting around eating bonbons and watching daytime television while not showering for 3 days straight. I know it's a joke and it's definitely not what I do all the time, but sometimes it hurts. This time away from working made me realize how much of my identity was wrapped up with the money I was making. Take it away and what do I have? Who am I? What do I do? It's frightening. But over the past couple of months I have learned that I am a loving wife with an amazing husband, a over-protective but extremely loving dog mom, a life student, a friend, a dreamer, a reader, a shoe art maker, a traveler, an experience maker, and a creative thinker and doer. I don't know how I will launch this into my next career. All I know is that this time will influence how well I will do at my next job. And I cannot have my job define what I do. It is a part of me, but it does not define me and how I do life.
- C. Why I do all this? It is most difficult but important task. It helps in analyzing your life and help you to make future decision-making about life.
At the moment, I am doing what I do because it feels good, it's easy, and it's natural to me. Being able to sit in a pocket and stew on the things I am good at and enjoy has been great, however, I am missing a component: being brave enough to put myself out there and challenge myself to really go after my dreams. Why? Because I'm scared! I come from a family where my mom instilled a lot of fear in my sister and me. Although it came from a place of love, I know it shapes the way I go after things in my life. Remember I wrote something about being on a diving board and not being able to jump? Yeah, that's me in a lot of aspects of my life. I have never really been much of a risk taker, however, I know the major risks I've taken have proven to be the best decisions of my life. I don't know why I am scared and worried about money. I don't understand why I can't find one thing I want to try to make a living from and stick to it. Why am I so scared? I guess after all this time off, I am still questioning this and I am pressuring myself to figuring it out soon, but it's been hard. Have I failed because I haven't challenged myself enough? I don't know yet. I just don't know. All I know is that it's good for me to keep my hands busy and I am praying that the answers will come sooner than I realize. I made a major decision to leave my job and I am still questioning whether it was a good idea or not. Deep down I know it was, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder if it would have made figuring out the next plan in life easier had I kept the job. I guess we will never know now. I gotta figure out how to do life with where I am at in this moment.
Conclusion: So what about that life sentence/mission statement?
Based on all that I learned over the past few months, I can honestly say that life is short and try to be your true self as much as possible. Life life full of color, adventures, and plenty of relaxation mixed within it. Love your partners and support them to the ends of the earth, but also make sure to find the value you bring to the table. Never lose sight of your own value. Live with your eyes and your heart and soul open to the world and the experiences you are meant to have. I don't know what my life journey has in store for me at all. All I know is that it's not what I expected at all, but I am thankful for the time of humbleness and contemplation. I know I will look back at this time in my life and be thankful and wistful of more time just to do me.
