Hi! No, that is not me up there. I wish it was, though. Squats are good!
Here I am at step 3 which I finished a couple of months ago but didn't write about it until now.
STEP 3 (Physical & Emotional)- Get comfortable with this concept: Build your muscles for discomfort i.e. get habituated with awkward and humiliating situations in life! Just for the experiment she has suggested following 3 crazy ways –
- (a) Start singing in public places when in queue or standing. Notice your emotions inside the body (heart),and feelings while doing this.
- (b) Go outside for dinner alone (habit of staying alone), without reading material, mobile or anything to entertain
- (c) Stand-up facing back towards door in a lift (different from others)
My Experience (a): I went shopping a few times at New Seasons and Fred Meyers and started singing Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" in line while putting my groceries on the belt. I guess Portland is used to this kind of stuff because nobody found it weird or awkward. They didn't even look at me! I certainly was aware of my surroundings, and felt my body temperature rise a bit. My body felt a bit tight as I tried moving my items from the cart to the belt, and my voice warbled a bit until I realized that nobody gave a shit. I then sang a bit louder and stopped caring what people might think.
My Experience (b): I took myself out to Bazi Bierbrasserie for dinner on my own. No cell phone. No reading material. I ordered a burger and a beer at the bar. There was a beer dinner club happening on site so a lot of people around enjoying imported beers and talking among themselves about the taste and nuances of each of the beers. I noticed their voices getting louder and louder as the night went on. It must be the alcohol, LOL! The burger itself was pretty good. Not the best burger of my life, but I appreciated it for what it was. Sometimes I found myself over-examining it due to shear boredom. The waitress must have noticed too because she came by asking me if everything tasted alright.
My Experience (c): I was at the Ford Building on 11th and Division and took the elevator to my appointment. There was another person inside with me. They looked a bit confused why I turned my back to the door, and I smiled at him, and he just looked back down at his smart phone until it was time to get off the lift. Did I feel weird? Yes, but not that much because there was only one person and the ride was short.
Conclusion: Exercising those uncomfy muscles is hard. However, I feel like I do that a lot in general. Anytime I wear nicer clothes than my usual sweats and leggings, or even wear a big hat I feel self conscious and my mind starts worrying about my appearance and my weight. I'm not a person who really likes a lot of attention on me all the time. I like to engage with people, but I don't need all eyes on me. Even at my own wedding I really did not like people looking at me all day. At times I was super embarrassed and really savored those moments I could step away and be with a few people or by myself. This exercise was a good reminder that being self conscious should not get in the way of being out there in the spotlight, or even doing things on your own without the crutch of your smartphone. It made me realize that my fear of people judging me is much greater than I have let on and it's something I need to work on in order to become the best version of me possible.
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