I just read an article called "What Health Lessons I learned From My Dog." It got me thinking about my dog Bandito. He's not with us anymore. We had to give him up because we were not a good match to care of his needs. I miss him everyday and think about him a lot. Even though we only had him for 6 weeks he taught me so much about being an animal owner and possibly even changed my perspective on life forever. I have to forewarn you: this a bit sad. My dog was not happy-go-lucky dog but I still found a way to love him. Here is what Bandito taught me in a matter of 6 weeks:
1) You REALLY can't teach an old dog new tricks.
I found Bandito on Petfinder.com. He was described as a 3-5 year old with 4 missing front teeth who was house trained. Corgies of all ages generally are pretty young looking so when we met him we just thought he was sleepy but still really cute. When we were there the lady taking care of him told us he came from a hoarding situation and lived with an old women among 9 other dogs. The house was condemned and the old women had her dogs, including Bandito, taken away from her. His balls got chopped 3 weeks before we met him. Bandito was never walked on a leash before and he never had to climb hills or stairs in his life. The first 2 weeks we had to carry him up and down the stairs and literally drag him on the leash until he got over his fear of stairs and walking. At the time I thought, " I can't believe we may need to do this for the rest of his life..."
When we took him to the 2 different vets in Seattle they told us he was easily 8-10 years old but but without all of his teeth we would really never know.
Amazingly enough he learned how to walk up and down stairs and even started running and jumping and skipping stairs. At that time I thought we could teach the ol' dog new tricks. It was a very small victory for both Ian and me.
The thing that really broke my heart was that Bandito only knew how to love and trust one human at a time. His whole life he never knew how to interact with more than one human. Being that I worked from home most of the time he really attached himself to me has "his" mommy. Ian really loves playing with dogs so I could tell he was so sad that Bandito didn't want to open up to him. Through our doggy psychologist (yes we paid for this) she suggested Ian be the main caretaker when he's around. It was so hard for Bandito to understand that I wasn't feeding him after 6pm or taking him for walks when Ian was around. We noticed his separation anxiety grew worse and that was when he started going into a weird trance-like state and barked and peed himself silly. Slowly towards weeks 5-6 he started to be more tolerant of Ian but things remained difficult. Out of frustration Ian told me I was babying Bandito too much, but honestly didn't feel like I was. This was who Bandito was.
So yes we did teach him how to use the stairs but I would've gladly carried him up and down the stairs the rest of his life if he knew how to love both of us equally. Unfortunately that never really happened and I know many of us has experienced this in our lives with people or situations as well.
2) It truly does matter how you were raised while young. It makes you who you become in the future. If you are a parent or an animal owner of a youngen these are critical times that will make the most impact in their future.
Anyone who's a dog lover or owns a dog knows that training your puppies between ages 2 to 9 months is the most critical time in doggy development. Past that period and it's pretty much next to impossible to unlearn many of their behavior they've picked up.
As I mentioned earlier, Bandito came from a hoarding situation. At the time I did not realize how difficult it was to work and train a fearful dog. It was only after getting Bandito that I started doing a lot of reading about hoarded dogs and fearful behavior. Thanks to today's technology I found that there were many dog owners who experienced the same combination of frustration and love for their animals. Some of them had to let their dogs go and some chose to keep them, but everyday was a new challenge for them. The last visit we had was at the Queen Anne Animal Clinic and the vet basically said, "Your dog is never going to change. He needs to be on Prozac or some kind of medication to get him over this. I respect what you decide but I were you I would let him go. If you choose to keep him I will help out the best I can but it will be extremely tough." It was a hard message to hear but I really appreciated the vet's honesty. That evening I found myself crying on Ian's chest and feeling unbelievably angry at Bandito's former owner. Why did she do this to him? I hated her so much. He never had and never will have a chance to understand and experience love and appreciation from a family who wants to love him. We wanted the best but he never understood it. I wonder how many people in this world are like Bandito? That really makes me sad.
My hope is that our next animal and future children will never go through life not understanding love and appreciation from both of us from a very early age.
3) Don't let your fear debilitate you from being the best you can be.
Have you ever looked into the eyes of a fearful dog? It's like starring out of a window and seeing only a brick wall. Bandito's eyes would widen into saucers and his pupils would get so large it reminded me of Japanese anime. Sometimes his eyes would roll up into his skull. I dare you to try to widen your eyes a big as possible right now. Maybe it's me, but don't you feel a bit scared or anxious all of a sudden? We call that "The Bandito."
One time I took him for a walk in our old Queen Anne neighborhood where there's a park with a tennis court. He loved walking through there and spying on other dogs who would play catch. One day when we got close he saw and heard people playing tennis and freaked out. He had taken a crap and I wanted to drop it in the crash that was close to the courts but Bandito refused to move and tried his best to get out of his leash to get away. The sound of tennis rackets hitting the ball was too much for him that his eyes saucered and he growled, bark, and tried to bite me. At this point people were looking at me oddly and I felt so embarrassed. All I wanted to do is take him to a place that he loved and throw away his shit. Instead, I followed my doggy trainer's instructions and led him far away from the tennis rack sounds. They say you should notice your dog's fear and instead of exposing it you need to show confident that you will take care of the situation so next time they won't feel scared any longer. I had tried to get him back to the park several other times but he just stopped loving that park after that incident.
My husband came from a family who encouraged their kids and their animals to be outdoorsy and experience as much as possible in life. Their recent cat, Paris, was the most fearless animal in the world. He loved jumping on our car while it was still moving and he never had an issue with greeting anyone that came near the house. Sadly, it was his fearlessness that got him hit by a car. Though his life was short it was filled with lots of love, laughter, and wonderful cat experiences. I'm far from being a cat person but I really loved Paris and miss him a lot.
It is better to live a short life fearlessly than to grow old living in fear.
4) Never stop trying to learn and discover new places, practices, and things in life.
Going back to not being able to to teach an old dog new tricks, I am reminded that no matter how old you are or where you are in life you need to grow and stimulate your mind with something. Whether it's a book, hiking, or scrap-booking (something I ever plan to get into but I can appreciate my friends who make beautiful books), always find something that will stimulate you. When we taught Bandito how to go on walks and he'd gotten used to the leash we took him to Green Lake just one time. That was the day I've never seen him more happy in his life. He was so friendly and he loved seeing all the other dogs and peeing on all of the trees that were now "his." People pointed out and commented that he was the happiest dog they've ever seen.
Make time and learn new things and make new experiences always.
5) Taking on too much, whether it's eating too much food or handling too many tasks, will make you sick. Find an even balance in life.
Bandito loved chewing on his bones and eating treats so fast that he threw it up after 15 minutes of swallowing it. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that he used to have to share and fight among 9 other dogs for food and treats that it was a survival tactic. How do you teach a dog to stop throwing up it's food? By feeding it less or giving smaller treats, of course. And guess what? That's the same for humans too.
6) Sometimes the best act of love to let someone go.
Oh my goodness, this is the hardest lesson I had to learn and I always have tears in my eyes when I think about it. We did our best to love and give Bandito everything he needed. In the end we knew this was not the right dog for us. Feeling like a total failure I would jealously see all my friends on Facebook with their loving dogs and wished I my dog was like theirs. Why was Bandito such an asshole? At the time Ian and I were on planning our honeymoon to Vietnam and we tried to introduce him to my parents and to Todd and Alex but Bandito just did not like it. I couldn't imagine a more miserable 3 1/2 weeks of torture on any friends or family so we made the call to the humane society and scheduled an appointment to return him 3 days later.
Prior to him leaving I made sure they had access to all his medical records and the doggy psychology report (yes, I did pay to have this written about my dog) in hopes that if someone does decide to adopt him and give him a home they will know the history and be better prepared than we were. Ian ended up doing the drop-off while I stayed at home cleaning as much of my house up of doggy items and locking it deep inside our storage closet. It was too hard to look at.
When Ian came home he told us if we wanted to call them and ask about him we could. One time I did and I left a terribly weepy soppy message. I was so surprised to get a call back on my phone and had Ian talk to them. Bandito was doing ok but was going to be picked up by the lady who originally gave him to us. We later found that she ended up sending him down to Portland no-kill shelter. The orange picture below is what I found on their website.
My friend Madalyn, who's a really big dog lover, told me she's be happy to call them ask about him. She did and said they informed her that Bandito was quickly adopted and living somewhere in near Portland. The funny thing is that now we live in Portland and sometimes I fantasize about seeing him with his new family while walking down the street. Ian and I joke that he was probably adopted by an old lady or a lesbian couple who could use an old grumpy dog like him around.Although the time we had him was short I will never forget him and what he taught me. I hope he is in a better place with owners who cater to his needs, and I hope he knows I will always love him. The most difficult part of this all is that I've had a very difficult time learning how to forgive myself and letting go of that feeling of failure. Some days are harder than others but in the end I am grateful for the experience and know this was meant to happen to us to prepare us for the rest of life's journey.
PS: Normally I'm not so depressing so I promise next time to write a funnier blog. =)
