Priya Parker Project Step 5: Dwindling Cash Experiment

"Hello? That's money callin' me!"

This is my experience with step 5 of Priya Parker's Reboot project. 

STEP 5 (Finance)-  Dwindling-Cash Experiment:  To check how much money is enough money for you to live a normal life. In this experiments you first note down how much money you spend on yourself per month (not how much you earn) . Take that amount from bank and put it in an envelope. Then divide it into 4 parts (40%, 30%, 20% and 10% of total).  Then expose yourself to 4 different money parts one in each week. Start with 40% money for first week, then 30% in next week, etc. Note down what you did in each week and how did you manage e.g.  live with this much money for one week each to know how much money is sufficient for you/your habits/constraints/spending pattern, mind-set, etc. Find out what amount you are comfortable with and live on. Build a financial model and see how much you need to “reboot” your life.

I will tell you upfront I did not follow through and divide 1 month's worth of earnings into 4 parts and follow Priya's instructions. It was much too difficult and I really did not like the idea of spending A LOT of money in one week just because it says to. Instead, what I did was analyze my spending habits in my bank account from January until mid September. It is obvious that I spent money a bit more freely when I had a lot more in my savings than I do at the moment. For those who don't have a lot of money up front to do the Priya project like she says, this may be a manageable way to run a dwindling cash experiment.

January 

In January I took two trip to Palm Springs with my bff and Vegas for a bachelorette party. We did spa days and went to a Chippendale's show, and spent money eating and drinking well. I noticed that I ate out significantly more and frequented the higher-end grocery stores more often than I would like to admit. And to buy what? I don't remember, but I'm sure it was tasty. I also had my hair done with red extensions as a "happy I'm not working anymore" gift to myself. No, I will not disclose how much that was. Sorry, honey!

February

The Seahawks lost the Superbowl. I bought some new gear and hats for me and my husband before the SB. I also started buying a bunch of craft stuff to start on a project for St. Patty's day. I spent money on an online analytics class. Did a few trips up to Seattle and spent money on wedding gift and bridal shower gifts. 

March

I was in Seattle a lot. For a wedding, to see my family, and spend time with some friends. I contemplated the idea of looking for a job in Seattle and moving back. Portland is a tough market to crack into. I had a few job interviews that resulted in pretty bad rejections. I knew I still had a lot of work to do in order to be hirable in Portland. However, if was hard to shake off the rejection. I also spent money on a St. Patty's day excursion with my friends and made rainbow shoes and orange and green kitty accessories. Staying crafty really helped me through my tough transition into looking for a job again. 

April

This month was my husband's birthday, so I decided to throw a lip sync battle party and provide some food and booze for the guests. It was a lot of fun and, wow, the house was a disaster the next day. Luckily, Ian felt better enough to help me clean the house the next day  so it wasn't a mess that we had to deal with all week. We may have gone out to dinner a few times as well. We also traveled to Ian's best friend's wedding in Plano, Illinois. Our second wedding of the year. Good times!

May

In May I went to Colorado to meet up with my best friend and her pal for a girls weekend. By this time I had gotten a few more job rejected and feeling pretty low. Although I kept applying, my heart really was not into anything so I concentrated on meditation and  bought/ read books on energy work, soul purpose guidance and more. As silly as it sounds, the more I realize our out of touch I am with the present, the more stress and anxiety I tend to hold. I also noticed how shallow my my everyday breaths were. I still have a problem with this, but at least I started waking up to these things and am making an effort to connect with the earth.

June

Wedding number 3 in Chicago! That meant more flying and buying food, Ubering all over the place, etc. I did buy a new dress, purse, and also bought paints to update my shoes to match my dress. I vowed to myself not to buy another dress for the next 2 weddings coming up. At home, we stopped eating out so much and I started buying less organic foods and meats. My husband and I also worked on our backyard garden to make sure we had some fresh veggies to supplement our grocery bill (which is around $100/week for 2 of us).

July

This summer, we went to the beach way more than we normally do. It's  something I have mentioned to Ian many times that I wanted to do more often. The temperature is generally 10-15 degrees lower at the beach than in-land. It is the perfect getaway spot when the temps are rising in Portland. July 4th weekend, we took a gamble and went into the coastal mountains to find a camping spot, and we got super lucky! That didn't cost us much except for food and one meal out . Then our friend invited us to a weekend beach house trip in which we contributed food and booze to the communal eating/drinking space. Good times!  We also did a family camping trip to an island in the Colombia. We did a follow up trip with friends at the same spot. Again, most of my money went to food for these trips and covering my bills.

August

In August we went to a wedding (our fourth one) and I helped with their flowers and was in charge of the tear-down check list. Then we did a family trip to Copalis Beach. Spent money on food and wedding gifts. I also spent money on two concerts. One was $10 bucks to see the Physics, a Seattle band, and the other was to see Lindsey Sterling. Her tickets were $40/each and a bit pricey for my budget, however, it was much cheaper than when I tried to find tickets to her show in the past. I also spent money on materials to make costumes for a drag costume birthday party. I dressed up Ian as the Portlandia Statue, and I was Poseiden, and Cooper was a pretty princess. We won first place. It was a lot of fun. When I have a vision I generally tend to see it through and for the most part, I was happy with the results. I did forget to mention that I did spend money on sewing classes and also materials in July. It was intense, but I really learned a lot about the basics of sewing. I hope to take those classes again the future when I have more money and time. We did not go out to eat except when friends wanted to go out.  The garden was growing so that cut my food bill to around $80/week. That was nice. I also did a quick 2 day trip to Seattle to see friends and my sister. Spent money on travel, food to cook for a dinner, and a meal out. Our anniversary is in August and we kept it fairly low key with dinners at home and maybe Ian treated me out to dinner later on. I can't really remember. I also recall my drinking habits significantly slowing down over the course of the summer. I don't really know why, but drinking for taste and complimenting the food I eat is really all I do. Drinking to loosen up or get a buzz doesn't appeal to me anymore. I find myself ordering a glass of wine or beer or one cocktail and that's it. Makes me more of a cheap date, which Ian loves LOL!

September

Since September is still going, I decided to only document a few things. I did buy a new electric bike, and we haven't really been spending too much money on groceries. Maybe closer to $70/week. We went to a lovely wedding (our fifth) in Mt. Rainier and paid for gifts for the bride and groom. I went on a 90s boat cruise with some girlfriends with the Groupon rate of $12. Didn't drink at all because the cocktails were $8 bucks! yikes! Did spend money on Uber to get around but the girls chipped in to pay so it's all good. I also spent money to put Cooper in doggy daycare as we are about to go on a road trip, and I hired a dog walker to take Cooper out for walks 5/days a week while Ian and I are at work starting the 28th. I haven't made payments on that, but it will hit my wallet at the end of the month.


So overall, I do notice that my spending habits and my eating and drinking habits did change a bit due to being on more of a tight budget. We did not go out to eat as much, and I even stopped buying treats for my dog. He has to eat his regular food for treats, poor thing. I was still able to do many things I enjoyed (within reason). I stopped buying clothes after June. Even the thrift store was off limits. I inventoried my existing clothes and separated them based on work appropriate and casual wear. I have been spending mostly my unemployment check each week. Not the whole thing, but certainly a lot of it goes to food and bills and small things. Do I think I could live off of the amount I get on unemployment forever? No. I don't feel comfortable at all. It would be really painful and even more sacrifices would have to be made to live off of it. I am lucky that I don't have to  be on my own, but if I was, I certainly would feel a lot of anxiety and stress during this time.

Realistically I think I could get by on perhaps $600 a week after taxes and be ok. It could feel comfortable and I could save at least $50 to $100 a week possibly. I would still need to work on lowering the grocery budget and modify my social habits a bit. It would be a bit tougher to travel on this budget, so I would have to wait longer in between vacations to plan some good trips. 

I have been talking with some friends and family about a new perspective on how to find happiness without getting burnt out n the rat race. If I were to go back to work, at what cost does the added stress add to my family? I am still pondering that. All I know is that happiness and health is priceless. You can't buy it. If health can be bought, Steve Jobs would still be alive today. If happiness can be bought, then people at the poverty level around the world would never smile or laugh or be thankful. But that isn't the case at all. Having had the opportunity to travel to different places, I notice how simplified people's lives are. They have significantly less consumables in their homes. There's no gizmos or gadgets for everything in life. They make do with what they have and what their community and help out with, or help their community with that they have. There's an internal struggle I have: to want nice things and experiences at whatever cost it takes, and to want the simple and frugal life. It's hard to have both sometimes. I am very fortunate to be married to someone who is very fiscally responsible and helps me to be realistic with money even when old habits tempt me. If we can't eat as many fancy cheese and crackers as we used to, we won't shrivel up and die. But I want to not cut them out of my life forever.

So what do I think of this modified Priya Parker Project? Possibly a failed one. Possibly an eye opener.  It raises more questions than answers for me.

Effing Confidence - Why Nothing Else Matters Without It

I love this picture. I want to be that cat that looks in the mirror and sees a gorgeous lion.
But lately, when I look in the mirror or reflect on my life I see a sickly scared kitten who is having a hard time dealing with life when things get uncomfortable.

I have so many good friends and family who carry themselves with confidence to learn from. Both my best friend and my husband are two of the most confident people I know. I tend to carry myself very confidently even though I see and feel so many imperfections and have many WIP issues that take a lot of my energy. But somewhere, somehow, something is not translating properly and it's inhibiting my desires to live out my dreams and true soul's desire. So I am writing this to myself and hopefully it can help you make building confidence a priority in order to find happiness and success. The crazy thing is that I am awesome at offering advice to people and clients, but I am shitty at listening and implementing my own advice for myself. It takes another person or thing to point out what I already knew about myself to really rattle me into start making some changes. In this exercise, I am turning the tables on myself and writing out what I need to build effing confidence and rule the world on my terms.

1. Sell the dream of what you can offer during an interview and do it with gusto and much thought put into it.

My friend, John, always says he's living the dream and always has to remind me to to sell the dream. Sell it to my customers, walk and talk it in everyday life. In my personal life I dream BIG. Like REALLY REALLY impossibly big. So big that I've had to burst my own dream bubbles and come back to reality. My idea of dreams needs to evolve and be applicable to different parts of my life in order to sell dreams and ideas. So how do I do that? By taking one day at a time. Figure out what you can accomplish today and make it happen. I'm not a gardener but dreams needs to be thought of as planting seeds and the process of cultivating it so it could grow into something amazing. So in that next interview  plant "idea seeds" and make people envision you kicking ass at your role because you know you could totally do it. Practice this with everyday life situations. The more practice, the easier it will transfer to all parts of your life.

2. Grow a backbone. Or if you have one, take time to make it stronger.

One of the things I have been struggling my WHOLE life in the business world is people telling me I'm too soft at times. I have a backbone, but it doesn't show up all the time. People who value toughness sees this as weakness. Tough people eat weak folks for breakfast.  The owner of the company that I worked for told me this A LOT of times when I first started working there, and I slowly got better, but it was not perfect. In all honesty, my backbone comes out when I really know my shit and I'm vibing with someone who's personality puts me at ease. If I don't feel comfortable dealing with them, all of a sudden my backbone goes into hiding and I metaphorically curl up into a fetal position and put up the white flag and say sorry or do that stupid nervous laugh that does nothing but annoys everyone including myself. How am I going to make sure my backbone is anchored on me at all times? By mentally and physically preparing myself to deal with people from all walks of life. By slowing down when I speak, and stick to topics and stories that I am 100% sure of. Maybe I could imagine the person naked? LOL, no. But I have to stop relinquishing power so quickly and stick with what I know is true to the situation at hand. Also know that you may not win the battle every time, but if you can put people at ease by speaking to what is amazing about you the backbone will stick around and be your best ally.

3. Know what you are good at and think of all the times you completely rocked the shit out of something. Document those times in terms of how you felt at the time and how you feel about it now.

A lot of the reasons why restaurants don't like yelp is because very few people will document the good experience they had vs. the not so pleasant experience. That's why I have no issue with eating at places that are 3 1/2 stars or higher. Generally the food and service has always been pretty amazing at this sweet spot rating score. How many positive personal reviews of my life do I have? Uhhhh....shit.  Does Instagram and Facebook count? What I will do is document in detail some good stuff that I've done at my job so I can read back and review those, and recall my experiences better during interviews. The better I do that, the better I will sound to the person interviewing me.

4. Spend time doing positive affirmations and meditation

One of the things I have found to be very valuable is the time to meditate and just shut my mind off. I am not the best at it, but when I get to a point where I can do it, it feels amazing! It's much easier for me to do this while on vacation away from my regular duties. However, it's getting easier to tune out my mind's crazy chatter and just be in the moment. The next thing I have been working on is adding binaural beats and giving myself a mantra to say to myself over and over again that helps me affirm what I believe I am capable of doing.  I used to think this stuff was hooey, but I think it's slowly working and it's helping me get over things faster so I can move on to new projects. To help me build more confidence, I plan to continue with positive affirmations and meditation. I will train my brain to be nicer to myself and it's observation of me and what I'm capable of achieving.

5. Practice Fear Busting

Damn, I talk about fear all the freaking time. But it really is one of the things that has crippled me from being the absolute all that I want to be. I know where it stems from and how it manifests and leaches into so many parts of my life. To fight back, I have to face it head on and do things that I am scared of. Maybe something like riding my bike in Portland is a good place to start. Why am I even terrified of riding around in one of the most bike-friendly cities in the country? Did you know Portland puts white painted bikes to mark all the places bikers have died around the city? I live close to one of these and it haunts me and makes me scared of biking. That, and I really don't like how uncomfortable my butt feels when riding on gradual hills. There are other excuses I can list off but you get the idea. To bust up fears I need to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself physically and mentally in all parts of my life. Maybe do a terrifyingly difficult hike. Maybe drive to a part of town I am not familiar with and try to figure out my way home without my GPS. Gasp, maybe leave the Portland bubble and actually get out to the suburbs. Well, let's not go too crazy here. I do not like suburbia. AT ALL. The more fears I bust, the better the confidence will be. I know it to be true. So let's make it happen.

Priya Parker Project Step 4: Life Sentence

 Step 4 of the Priya Parker Project is a daunting and challenging one for me. I have been deeply asking myself this question ever since I left my job back in December 2014, and I haven't come up with a clear answer yet. Part of the reason is because I am a person of many interests. I am lucky that I believe I can do whatever I want and be fairly good at it if I tried my best, but the flip side means that I tend to stretch myself thin with my interests and don't grow my skills and knowledge beyond the basics and what feels natural and easy to me. I am going to try my best to write down what I have learned about myself over the past six months based on the three questions presented by Priya.

STEP 4 (Mental & Emotion)- Life Sentence: Give yourself a life sentence, like many organization and companies generally have their mission and vision statements. Ask questions like, What do I value? What is the purpose of my life?,etc see below:

•  A. What are the qualities and values that I bring with me (regardless of family or at work)?

1. The qualities I bring with me no matter where I go in life is that I truly value being open minded to what the world and different cultures have to offer regardless if it is different from what I've experienced over the years. This includes my experience at work. I respect it and see it as a learning opportunity. At the end of the day, we need to coexist for a common purpose to succeed. 

2. I highly value people who make plans and keep their promises and follow through with plans. Nothing irritates me more than people who are super flaky and says they will do something, but then back out at the last minute. I don't believe that being tired is a good enough reason to ditch your plans. You should still show up, but it's ok to leave early. That's why I value some of my relationships over others because of this quality alone. I believe in "doing what you say, and saying what you do." I pridefully hold myself to this each and everyday of my life and I can honestly say I have never once flaked on a person at the last minute. Not now, not ever. 

3. I believe we should live life to have fun! I am an eternal child at heart always looking for a way to enjoy life. Whether it is an incredibly delicious meal with wine, a meaningful conversation, a good concert, or simply cuddling in bed in my dog, Cooper. Those things are fun to me. Fun doesn't have to loud and rowdy. It comes in all shapes and forms. I try to have some kind of fun everyday. Even weird stuff like derma rolling my face with 2.5mm needles and making my own vitamin c serum is fun in my book.

4. Having a balanced work/personal life is very important to me. I can't be all one or the other. It drives me insane and starts to manifest physically into illnesses and goodness knows what else. I dream of having it all and it really upsets me when people say you can't have it because that's not how the world works. Maybe not in your world, but in mine it's something I deeply desire. I love working. I love working very hard and dreaming up crazy out-of-the-box ideas and plotting ways to execute these ideas. I love seeing my ideas become successful and well received! I also worry when I see people over-working. I know I can't possibly understand fully what motivates them to do all work with little time for personal growth and family, but I strongly believe they would regret not balancing priorities should something major happen. Nobody will remember the number of hours you worked. They just will will remember you as a hard working person, but the details will be vague. The things that define you are what you do with your free time, therefore, I believe it's important to have the right balance. Easier said than done, but, it's not a bad thing to strive for if it means a better well-being for yourself and your loved ones.

5. I value being your most authentic self. Now I know there are times where you must hold back some of who you are out of respect for others, but I believe it's important to be true to your words and true to yourself. One of things I really cannot stand is office politics. I witnessed a good friend and former colleague play into it, and I can honestly say the friendship has not been the same. Why? Because I don't believe the true self is always being shown to me and I sense it. I don't like games at work. I don't play games. What you see is what you get. I work hard and I'm honest. I'm smart and reliable and do what I say. That's it. No mind games. End of story.

• B. What is that I actually Do?

This question is the scariest question. Honestly, I don't know at the moment. I do whatever I think needs to be done at a certain moment. After going from working 50 hours a week to nothing it's hard to define what you do without a job. My brother-in-law likes to make jokes that I am sitting around eating bonbons and watching daytime television while not showering for 3 days straight. I know it's a joke and it's definitely not what I do all the time, but sometimes it hurts. This time away from working made me realize how much of my identity was wrapped up with the money I was making. Take it away and what do I have? Who am I? What do I do? It's frightening. But over the past couple of months I have learned that I am a loving wife with an amazing husband, a over-protective but extremely loving dog mom, a life student, a friend, a dreamer, a reader, a shoe art maker, a traveler, an experience maker, and a creative thinker and doer. I don't know how I will launch this into my next career. All I know is that this time will influence how well I will do at my next job. And I cannot have my job define what I do. It is a part of me, but it does not define me and how I do life.

• C. Why I do all this? It is most difficult but important task. It helps in analyzing your life and help you to make future decision-making about life.

At the moment, I am doing what I do because it feels good, it's easy, and it's natural to me. Being able to sit in a pocket and stew on the things I am good at and enjoy has been great, however, I am missing a component: being brave enough to put myself out there and challenge myself to really go after my dreams. Why? Because I'm scared! I come from a family where my mom instilled a lot of fear in my sister and me. Although it came from a place of love, I know it shapes the way I go after things in my life. Remember I wrote something about being on a diving board and not being able to jump? Yeah, that's me in a lot of aspects of my life. I have never really been much of a risk taker, however, I know the major risks I've taken have proven to be the best decisions of my life. I don't know why I am scared and worried about money. I don't understand why I can't find one thing I want to try to make a living from and stick to it. Why am I so scared? I guess after all this time off, I am still questioning this and I am pressuring myself to figuring it out soon, but it's been hard. Have I failed because I haven't challenged myself enough? I don't know yet. I just don't know. All I know is that it's good for me to keep my hands busy and I am praying that the answers will come sooner than I realize. I made a major decision to leave my job and I am still questioning whether it was a good idea or not. Deep down I know it was, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder if it would have made figuring out the next plan in life easier had I kept the job. I guess we will never know now. I gotta figure out how to do life with where I am at in this moment. 

Conclusion: So what about that life sentence/mission statement?

Based on all that I learned over the past few months, I can honestly say that life is short and try to be your true self as much as possible. Life life full of color, adventures, and plenty of relaxation mixed within it. Love your partners and support them to the ends of the earth, but also make sure to find the value you bring to the table. Never lose sight of your own value. Live with your eyes and your heart and soul open to the world and the experiences you are meant to have. I don't know what my life journey has in store for me at all. All I know is that it's not what I expected at all, but I am thankful for the time of humbleness and contemplation. I know I will look back at this time in my life and be thankful and wistful of more time just to do me.